The overall impression from this research is that economic and professional success exists on the surface of life, and that they emerge out of interpersonal relationships, which are much deeper and more important.
I wonder if one of the bigger problems with having a sense of a separate self is that we only seem to be able to look externally OR internally. We can’t seem to do both at the same time, not without one coloring the other in ways that aren’t actually what’s going on. When we’re watching what goes on outside, we end up ignoring certain things that are going on inside, and vice-versa.
But although we’re ignoring them, on some level we do know there’s something being ignored; we just don’t know what it is. And this not knowing is dukkha, the potters wheel that’s squeaking because it’s not turning smoothly, that agonizing tick in the back of our minds of something’s-amiss-here.
Does this spring from seeing our internal reality as separate from our external reality? I can certainly see this causing problems, since the two aren’t ever actually separate each other. Reality is pouring in at us from all sides at all times, and bubbling up within us as well, each in no way contradicting the other. Nothing that exists in the moment can ever be out of step with anything else that exists in this moment, because it’s happening at the same time all together. There’s never any part of reality, within or without, that’s on “pause” when we’re focused on one of the two. But we have to act like there is, because, for whatever reason, there’s some resistance, some holding back that stops us from placing our selves directly in reality. The connections not complete, there’s resistance in the wires…
Why do we do this? I have no idea. Neither am I sure what causes that split in the first place. Just holding up pieces, trying to see what fits together and what doesn’t.
“By nature, we do not perceive ourselves or others accurately. We magnify the importance of ourselves and diminish that of others. In the beauty of a clear night, however, we look at the stars and feel ourselves small, unimportant, and at peace. On an objective scale, we sense our insignificance. Somehow the realization comforts us. The return of the illusion hurts us, takes our peace away, allows us to magnify slights, rejections, and humiliations as others challenge the illusion of our self-importance with theirs. It is in our human nature that this be so; it is our task to transcend it.”
